Brussels Beer Cafe

I have noticed lately that a number of Belgian bars/restaurants/cafes have started opening in Kuala Lumpur and I have quite often wondered why.

I AM European and as all Europeans I have some fairly rigid and inflexible ideas about the different countries.  The Italians might be kind of rude, but they make great food and they are a friendly bunch, the French are arrogant but it's a beautiful country and the wine and food is awesome, the Brits are always polite but not overly friendly and they couldn't cook to save their own lives, the Germs might be a bit boring but they serve a mean sausage and boy they do know how to drink beer and put together a solid car - and so on (and of course these ideas are wrong as often as they are right).

The thing is - when I think of Belgium I come up with - well - blank more or less.  Sure I heard they claim to have invited the potato chips and Tintin was from Belgium.  But to me Belgium has always just been a country I drove through on my way to France, enjoying the fact that all their highways are lid up like a Christmas tree.

My only real experience with Belgian beer was back in the late 80's where there was a beer strike in Denmark and all the Danish brands were unavailable.  That summer we drank a lot of German and Belgian beer - and they were all utterly rubbish.  I remember a brand called TV and we used to joke that they managed to make a beer that was thinner than water.

So as you can imagine I really don't understand why these places are here in the first place, but well - passing one around dinner time I figured I was in dire need of some PORK, so I decided to give the place a shot.

The place is right next to a very busy road so it's quite noisy.  They have however made some attempts to make it nice even though it doesn't quite mask the noise from the road.



My first problem was the beer.  I am really not into German beer and Belgian beer even less, but they did have Tetley's Ale on the menu and I couldn't really ask for a soft drink in a place like that, so I ordered half a pint of that.  This was the result:



I swear, this is how it was served, and I am sorry guys but that is truly offensive in a place that evolves around serving beer.  First of all I am sure that glass does not contain half a pint even if filled to the brim, it is probably a Malaysian half pint which relates the pint as Malaysian inches to the inch (read: much much smaller).  I asked 3 waiters if they were serious calling that half a pint and they all said: Yes!  Brussels Cafe's own website say on the front page: "Ich will beer" which they translate (since they obviously assume their customers are morons - and why German in the first place - less than 1 % of the Belgian population speak German as a first language) to: "I want beer" and that is exactly how I felt - "Ik wil bier" or "Je veux de la bière" not an empty glass (oh and apologies to Dutch, French or indeed Belgian readers if I got one or both of these wrong but I don't market myself as a Belgian cafe).

The food offerings were reasonable.  I ordered a foot long (Malaysian foot I am sure) sausage with chips (had to have chips in a Belgian restaurant) which was served without mayonnaise (I had to ask) and it was OK without being something I would dream about (I guess the Germs are just better as sausages).  My partner in crime ordered Brussels Chicken & Stoemp and that really was quite good.

Needless to say I gulped down the tiny Tetley's quite quickly and ordered a "bottled Tuborg" to follow (at least they can't cheat with the size of bottled beer).  After a long time the waiter arrived with two new Tetley's and I had to explain to him I said: "Tuborg" not "Two more" (I even said: "Bottled Tuborg" when I ordered).  Unfortunately I think the waiter had taken offense at me, so the bottled Tuborg didn't arrive until I was done eating.  I asked for a glass and that simply never arrived - until I went to fetch it myself.

On their website they write:

"In Brussels Beer Café, our staffs play the important piece. We can have the best food and promotions but without the right staff to make it all happen, it unravels pretty quickly. The staff at Brussels, with their genuine personality, it makes dining fun and delightful!"

I couldn't agree with you more.  Without the right staff it unravels extremely fast - and this evening the staff was slow and not paying attention at all.

By the time we got the bill, here is what that looked like:



Excuse me - 50 cent for a glass of tap water.  Fuck you too!  That is simply not acceptable. I checked their menu (which had never been cleared off the table) - and well yes - it was there:



I just wish I had seen this before I ordered my meal.  You just KNOW you're in trouble when they charge for plain water and put it in the menu.

To sum this up I reckon the food was the best part, not fantastic but reasonable.  But the service and concept was utter rubbish.  Once again let me quote their website as saying:

"And finally, the last part of the picture is the guest. Whether they stop in for a quiet pint, some lunch, or to gather with friends for a crazy fun night, it is the loyal Brussels’ customer that contributes most of the magic to the Belgium pub.The goal of Brussels Beer Café and its staff is to strive to bring you the best that Belgian culture has to offer, without you having to look for your passport. With great food, many tantalizing choices of beer, a relax ambience and excellent service; will bring you back again and again."

I am sorry to say you got it all mangled up.  Even if the service had been excellent (which it wasn't) and the ambiAnce had been relaxED (which it wasn't - the waiters most certainly was doing their best to create a relaxed ambiance - extremely relaxed) I wouldn't come back.  I wouldn't come back because you market yourselves as someone who's heart and soul is beer and then you have the bloody nerve to sell me a quarter of a pint of Tetley's and you are so stingy that you charge your customers money for tap water.  THAT is why I won't come back!